smoke it away

I don’t want to listen to music, read or write. I don’t sleep, I’m always insomniac always thinking and planning. 

Even my cup of coffee lost its bitterness, my diamond is losing its shine , can I trade adulthood and responsibility with my not-so-great childhood 

I miss him, he would’ve understood without me mentioning it , they sell you for an opposite chromosome , which was already yours, I made them, and I made them too, I’ve made your lives

I don’t have the urge to do anything, even my job, my dreams still as huge but stopped taking any steps. I think I’m stuck in this little corner inside myself.

I don’t want to lose her, she’s all that remains. I know I’m pushing her to the edge of the cliff and still don’t have the urge to pull back.  Even if I tried, I’ve always failed , and I got use to failure 

I’m not stable, neither emotionally nor socially.. And of course not financially, she needs stability and I’m trying to give it , but it’s me who needs security 

I fear life than death, I’m not depressed, I’m always worryingly overthinking of stuff I have zero control on

I’m losing my talents, each and every. Even the one thing I’ve always mastered, now I fail miserably whenever I try it. Cheating 

I’m facing lots of dinasours, maybe in another time I would’ve beaten them all , but I’m tied, I’m handcuffed 

From business plans to automotives to  road trips and travel plans, my mind needs to stop thinking and prioritize 

Am I that desperate ?? Am I that confused ?? Am I that weak ?? Am I dying ??  

I need a push, I need a muse, shall I drink it off ??  .. Or I’ll just smoke it away 

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